Post-publication update: I received several notes and spoken words of vigorous agreement on the version of this post that appeared in my local newspaper. To my joy, a lot of the kudos even came from people who are not Catholic, but who see the sense in the position. Thank you! However, in re-reading my writing below, I believe I was woefully unclear about one critical point and I hope I did not accidentally skew anyone's understanding. When reading this post, please keep in mind, a child is never refused baptism in the Catholic Church due to the sins of the parents, whatever they may be. (That would be kind of contrary to the point of baptism, wouldn't it!) Parishes, of course, may have certain requirements for baptizing as well as for other sacraments, a most logical one being that the one receiving baptism, first communion, etc., must be a member of the parish and regular attendee of Mass for a certain amount of time prior. Among other things, this is an indication that the parishioner truly believes the Catholic faith and also it is preparation for receiving the sacrament. Not being registered at a parish and not attending Mass are valid reasons for a delay in receiving baptism, matrimony, etc. The remedy for this is for families to register with a parish and become active in Catholic life. With this clarification in mind, read on! In my local newspaper there is a "Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down" section where people air important compliments or grievances anonymously and succinctly, such as, "Thumbs down to my jerk of a neighbor. Your shrubs are ugly! Stop uglifying my street!" or "Thumbs up, snugglepuff! Good job at the mini-golf tournament last weekend! Great strategizing on the spinning monkey hole." There has recently been a spate of Thumbs Down comments regarding a local Catholic church that declined to baptize a baby whose parents are not registered with the parish and do not attend Mass. The comments have gradually become more anti-Catholic over the weeks. For example:
“Thumbs up to the parents of the baby who St. Kathryn’s won’t baptize, and therefore, won’t be raised Catholic. I’m sad that you are going through this mess, but in the long run, do you really want your child raised in the Catholic faith given the issues they have had with pedophiles? I’m a non-practicing Catholic myself who stopped going to church when I realized how messed up the church really was. I would have my child baptized by another Christian group instead.”
Thumbs up to not being raised a Catholic! Stay away from those messed up pedophiles, snugglepuff! They don't even trim their ugly shrubs!
I submitted a response to the newspaper vitriol as a letter to the editor, which was published here. I kept the letter brief in order to fit within the publishing parameters. Below is an expanded version. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some shrubs to tend.
..............
Thumbs Down to Intolerant Comments About the Catholic Church
The repeated anti-Catholic “thumbs
down” comments arising because St. Kathryn’s church refused to baptize a child whose
parents do not plan to raise him/her in the Catholic faith are misguided and an
affront to Catholics and to logic itself.
Does it make any sense for parents to baptize a child in a Catholic
church while they do not attend Mass and intend to continue being absent from
Mass each weekend? Catholics are
required by their very religion to attend Mass every week and on holy days of
obligation. When we don’t, we are called
to recognize our sin, confess, and return.
The parents of the child do not attend Mass and apparently do not intend
to do so going forward, otherwise baptism would have been allowed in the future. The simple remedy for the parents is to start
attending Mass –exercising their faith-- if they want their child baptized in
the Catholic Church. It is not for the
priest to change the religion to suit them.
Our creed says we believe in “one, holy, catholic and apostolic
church.” If you do not believe in the Church’s
teachings and do not attempt to follow them, why would you want to have a Catholic
baptism? Is it a good luck charm? An excuse for having a party? Something that requires no action on the part
of parents, like the event of baby’s first tooth? “Aw, look, baby is baptized! Isn’t that precious.” Catholics believe baptism is a sacrament, a
holy and intimate moment between humankind and God. It’s not simply a photo op for baby in a cute
formal outfit.
Railing against St. Kathryn’s for
not baptizing a baby whose family essentially intends not to be Catholic is like calling Dunkin Donuts intolerant for refusing to hire someone
who intends never to sell donuts. It’s
like calling the police department hateful for firing an officer who refuses to
fight crime. It’s like calling King
Arthur narrow-minded for not knighting someone who says he won’t defend Camelot. There are certain things that Catholics are
supposed to DO, just like there are certain things Dunkin Donuts employees or
police officers or knights are supposed to DO.
The priest who won’t baptize is not saying God does not love that
family; he’s not saying Jesus is not available to them; he’s not saying they
are going to Hell! He’s saying he will
not make someone promise to raise a child in a Catholic family when they do not
intend to raise the child in a Catholic family.
Attending Mass and being part of a parish family is a very basic and essential part of being a
Catholic. If you ask a priest for a
Catholic baptism to enter your child into the Catholic faith and in the same
breath tell him you do not intend to try and function as a Catholic, isn’t
there a gaping logical contradiction there?
“I want my child to be Catholic but I do not want to be Catholic.” In that situation a priest, if he is faithful
and wise, encourages the parents to return to the Catholic faith before baptism
is granted.
Imagine the awkward situation a
couple would be faced with if a priest did allow a baptism in this case! As part of a baptism ceremony the parents and
godparents promise out loud in front of witnesses to raise the child in the
Catholic faith. Why would anyone want to
lie about that --in a church no less? If
you believe the Catholic religion is wrong (for example about attending Mass),
then why do you want to stand in a church holding your innocent baby and
proclaiming that it is right, against your own conscience? If you do not believe the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass –the "source and summit" of the
Catholic religion—is important, then why stand up and say you do? Why set yourself up to dishonor not only the Church but even your own beliefs?
Whatever happened to being true to oneself? What is the point of forcing yourself to say
things you do not believe? Religion
should never be coerced, not by one person to another, not by a government to a
people, and not by a phony part of yourself to your true self. If you believe Catholicism is wrong, abstain
from being a Catholic unless or until you come to believe it is right. Religion does not call for slaves but
lovers. Examine your motives.
As for
the thumbs commentator throwing around demeaning statements like people should not
want to be Catholic “given the issues [the Church] had with pedophiles,” I’m
sure you can see how that could be insulting to any faithful Catholic. We have every bit as much disgust for
pedophilia as non-Catholics do.
Pedophilia is not a teaching of our religion and never has been, just as
flying planes into buildings is not a teaching of Islam. In fact, from its inception the Catholic Church’s
official teachings have been against not only the abomination of pedophilia but
also any other sexual wrongs. Sin is
part of every man. Mankind exists inside
and outside the Church, so if you think you are going to escape the horror of
sin, sexual or otherwise, simply by leaving organized religion, well, I’m sure
you’ve already had your rude awakening.
To the same commentator, who calls himself a "non-practicing Catholic": what does that mean? I eat meat
every day. Does that make me a
non-practicing vegetarian? My parents
signed me up for ballet when I was in 2nd grade and I stopped going
after one season –does that make me a non-practicing ballerina? Is someone wielding a machine gun simply a
non-practicing pacifist? Is someone who
votes Republican all the time a non-practicing Democrat? Putting the word “non-practicing” before a
label basically negates it, unless you mean you think it is wrong not to
practice and you hope to be able to do so in the future. As the law of non-contradiction tells us, you
cannot both believe and not believe at the same time. Perhaps what most people mean by the nonsensical term “non-practicing Catholic” is “I was baptized Catholic but no longer consider
myself part of the Catholic Church,” which is certainly a choice one can make, but please call it what it
is. If you are agnostic, say you are
agnostic. If you are a non-Catholic
Christian, say it. If you are not sure
where you stand on Catholicism or on religion in general, say that. Why cling to the Catholic name, albeit
“non-practicing”, if you do not intend to be part of the Catholic Church and
hold few if any of its beliefs? You can be a Catholic who’s having a quarrel
with a teaching of the Church; it’s natural and healthy to wrestle with and
search deeply for truth. But you can’t
be a Catholic, “non-practicing” or otherwise, while at the same time hating the
Church, being repulsed by it, or considering it optional.
Catholics practice their faith just
as Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and other religious bodies practice theirs. All Catholics fall short of perfectly
practicing their faith. We are sometimes
uncharitable, gossips, lazy, adulterers, liars, abusers, greedy, or alcoholics just as any other humans might be. But
being Catholic requires us to recognize our weaknesses and make an honest
effort to turn away from them many times throughout life in a process of
continual conversion, from parishioners all the way on up to the Pope. The sacraments are there for us when we see
our weaknesses and desire to overcome them.
When we do not see our weaknesses and need a nudge back
in the direction of our faith we should all be so lucky as to have a loving priest
like the one at St. Kathryn’s reminding us of the way. Five years ago when I came back to the Church
after an absence of over a decade and was unable to receive the sacraments due
to an immoral condition in my life it hurt, but the pain drove me to right that
wrong and I am joyful for it now and able to participate fully at Mass. Love is not just kindness. Sometimes it is tough. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it bleeds to death on a cross
before it saves.
I do hope the family involved comes
back to their beautiful Catholic faith, but if they choose not to I hope they
still find “the way, the truth and the life.”
Out of love He’s given us the Church to help and guide us, knowing how
broken and in need of support and community and his body we are. But He is out there for anyone who truly
seeks, whatever church they attend or don’t attend, baptism or no baptism, religion
or no religion, hard road or harder road, whether they know his actual name in
life on earth or not.
Charlene Maniotis
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