You Know You're a Catholic When...

Since my last blog post about Saint Catherine I have written nothing.  And, now, I present it to you!

You Know You’re a Catholic When…

1.  Sometime in the month of May, you find yourself chasing your alarmed 2nd grader around the house with a glass of wine pleading, “All you need to do is take one little sip!  You’ll love it!”

2.  You go to the customer service desk to retrieve your lost purse or backpack, and when they ask you to describe the contents you mention at least three of the following:  rosary, small set of fetal models, crucifix, basal thermometer, holy card, hay from a crèche, scapular, photo of your son dressed as the pope getting kissed by the pope.  (Whoa, that mom is Catholic.)

3.  At a stoplight, you suddenly realize people in the car next to you are staring because it looks like you’re checking to see if your deodorant is working, but really you just love the smell of incense so much and it’s on your jacket.  Awkward.

4.  You’ve ever been elated to discover we have a Saint Chewbacca…

14th century relief by unknown artist.  Photo by PKO, Wikimedia Commons user.  GNU Free Documentation License.

5.  …only to feel the sting of disappointment when you realize, no, actually that’s Mary Magdalene.  (Whose idea was that statue, anyway?)

6.  You have one of THOSE drawers in your nightstand.  You know the one I’m talking about.

Boom.  That drawer.

7.  Disgusted neighbors accuse you of contributing to the over-commercialization of Christmas because your entire family is dressed in red already and it’s barely even the beginning of summer.  “Isn’t it bad enough that retailers play Christmas music in August, and now here you are trying to get us to shop even earlier!  Who paid you off?!”

It's Pentecost, people.

8.  Your homemade ice cream sundaes come out looking like famous nun saints.

Tearful Children:  "Mommy, it burns!  It burns!"  Mom:  "Yes!  Her heart is a flaming cinnamon candy because it's on fire with the Holy Spirit!"

9.  A)  Your children invite you to a pretend Mass in your living room, and B) during said “Mass” your decision to leave your toddler at home on Sundays for now is vividly validated as he crashes onto the “altar” with a large plastic T-rex screaming “raaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwr” at the pretend priest and altar server.

10.  You literally want to marry Jesus.  And, as astounding as this is, you know He wants to marry you, too.